


New Beginnings

by SpacePenguin11



Series: Sam and Rimmer [2]
Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-25
Packaged: 2019-10-27 01:17:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17757062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpacePenguin11/pseuds/SpacePenguin11
Summary: Sam seems to be settling in well with the dwarfers, but could her fathers blatant dislike of holograms throw a spanner in the works?





	1. Chapter 1

Samantha Simpson woke up in the arms of someone, and it was a very strange sensation. In her sleep induced state, she couldn’t work out who her bed fellow was for a moment or two. Then she became aware of the lack of breath on her neck, and an intensely warm pair of arms about her middle.

‘Arnold.’

“Good morning sleepyhead,” a voice by her ear said.

She smiled and snuggled back into him, feeling so warm and comfortable that she seriously debated going back to sleep again. Her curiosity prodded her awake though.

“Have you been here all night? I didn’t think holograms slept.”

“We don’t.”

“So what did you do all night?”

“Well, I cuddled you until you fell asleep, then I went and recharged my bee, I did a spot of inventorying... and then come back so that I would be here when you woke up.”

“And how exactly did you know what time I would wake up?”

“Lucky guess,” he smirked against her ear.

“How long does it take you to recharge?” 

“Three hours.  
Kryten on the other hand needs a full ten hours,” he scoffed,  
“And yet he still insists that his technology is more sophisticated than mine!”

“You know,” he said thoughtfully,  
“I really enjoy my quiet evenings, well I say quiet, I still have Holly to contend with. Most nights he leaves me alone, but occasionally he wants to pour his heart out about something or offload his ridiculous jokes and facts onto me.”

“What sort of jokes does he tell?”

“I don’t know because I don’t listen.”

“You don’t listen!?”

“No, I just smile and nod in the right places, that seems to keep him happy.”

“Arnold Rimmer, you are a very rude man!” she said giggling and turning round to face him.

“Perhaps,” he said, smiling gently at her. Her long blonde hair had been messed up considerably in her sleep, and it was quite possibly the cutest thing he’d ever seen.

‘Your eye still looks very sore,” he said, gently touching the bruise with his fingers.

“Well at least it matches the bruise on my head I suppose,” she rolled her eyes at him. 

“They’re nicely colour coordinated as well!” he said,  
“Cat will be pleased!

Anyway come on! It’s breakfast time!” he said, pulling the quilt off her.

“Oh my god it’s freezing!” she whined, clinging onto him in a desperate attempt to soak up his heat.

“Kryten’s breakfast will warm you up,” he said, extricating himself from her embrace. 

“Where are you going?” she asked as he headed out the door.

“I have something I have to take care of,” he said firmly,  
“Now go and eat your breakfast.”

The smell of bacon and eggs wafting down the corridor caused Sam’s stomach to rumble considerably, and the wonderful spread laid out on the table made her mouth water.  
Upon entering the bunk room they had all turned round to wish her good morning, and she had marvelled at how familiar they had all become to her. It was almost as if she had known them for months rather than days.  
The magnificent breakfast caught her eye again. 

“Damn Kryten, you are so good in the kitchen!”

“Oh why thank you Miss, that’s very kind of you to say so!”

Sam was the sure the mechanoid would have been blushing, had his software been capable of it.

Lister noticed her nightdress as she approached the table.  
It was pink, floral, and miles too big for her.

“Nice nightdress,” he said in his cheeky tone of voice.

“Piss off Dave, it’s the only one I could find!” she said, sitting down.

“That is definitely a fashion no no baby!” yawned Cat who had finished his breakfast, and was preparing to take a nap on Lister’s bunk.

“Well there ya go! You’ve heard it from the expert now” said Lister, sniggering.  
“Where’s Rimmer by the way?”

“I don’t know, he said he had something to go and do.”

“I expect he’s engaging himself in a spot of Rimmering, Miss,” said Kryten, setting some delicious looking pancakes down in front of her.

‘He’s remembered my favourite breakfast...this place really is starting to feel like home.’

“Rimmering?” she said,

“It’s a term Kryten invented, for when Rimmer’s carrying out a completely pointless task!” said Lister.

“When does goal-post head ever do anything that ain’t pointless?”  
Cat was now lying on his back with his eyes closed.

Sam began to tuck into her pancakes.

“Ok guys,” she said eventually,  
“We may have a teensy problem with the whole ‘Arnold meeting my parents’ thing.

“What problem would that be?” questioned Lister, pausing in the act of shovelling a forkful of bacon into his mouth.

“What is it baby? Are they allergic to ugliness!?”

“Well you see, the thing is...my dad hates holograms.”

“Your dad hates holograms?” repeated Lister

She nodded.

“I wouldn’t worry too much Miss,” said Kryten,  
“Holograms can seem a little frightening to some people at first, especially the hard-light varieties...”

“He’s not scared of them Krtyen! He just, well, he doesn’t agree with them.”

“Me and your dad are gonna get on like crazy!”

“Shut up Cat!” said Lister irritably.  
“That’s a very strange opinion to have,” he said to Sam.

“My dad’s from a very old school of thinking. He believes that dead people should stay dead. I suppose you could say he thinks of them like ‘ghosts’ for want of a better word.”

“Well, has your father ever met a hard-light hologram Miss Samantha” asked Kryten, who was now busy buttering toast.

“No I don’t think so...only soft-lights.

“There is your problem solved Miss! Mr Rimmer has a solid body, he could in no way be likened to a ghost!”

“I suppose so, he’s still dead though isn’t he...”

“Well, you don’t got to tell them that old water-slide nostrils is dead, maybe they wont notice!” ventured Cat.

“Umm, hello!” said Sam, turning to face him and marking out an invisible H on her forehead.

“So...we’ll tell him we’re goin to a fancy dress party and he’s dressing up as a hologram!” suggested Lister,

“We’ll say its a fashion statement!”

He seemed overly confident that his plan would work, and was annoyed when he was greeted with silence.

“Well I don’t see anyone else coming forward with any bright ideas!”

Suddenly Holly’s face appeared on the screen.

“There’s one hell of a racket coming from Parrots, Dave, I thought you might want to check it out.

“I haven’t finished my breakfast yet Hol!” 

Sam sniggered at this, as she didn’t think Lister would ever be finished with his breakfast. He was on his third portion of eggs and bacon. She was amazed at how quickly he could scoff food down.

“I think you should check it out, the camera’s still broken and I can’t see what’s going on.

“Great!” huffed the scouser, setting down his knife and fork.  
“There can’t be anything left in there for him to destroy!”

“He was fine when I left him this morning Dave,” said Sam following him out of the room,  
“He can’t possibly have anything to be angry about!”

But Rimmer wasn’t angry, nor was he smashing anything to pieces.

He and the scutters were working on repairing the juke box.  
The droids were just finishing up fixing the metal panels and the glass, while Rimmer was fixing the wiring.

The bar was still in chaos, and there was all manner of debris littered all over the floor.

“Sam stay in the corridor,” warned Lister when he noticed her bare feet.

Rimmer looked up from what he was doing when he heard the younger man’s voice.

“Lister this was meant to be a surprise!”

“Believe me it still is! You really didn’t have to go to all this trouble man.”

“Yes I did Lister, I behaved appallingly yesterday.” 

The hologram’s intense humiliation rendered him completely incapable of looking the other man in the eye.

“I’m sorry for that.”

“You were hurtin Rimmer, I get that! God knows I’ve felt enough of that pain myself over the years.”

Sam smirked,

“Aren’t you gonna kiss and make up?” she joked.

“No we are not!” they replied simultaneously, turning to look at her.

It was at this point that Rimmer noticed Sam hovering in the doorway, and, after noticing her lack of footwear, he picked her up and set her down on one of the non upended tables.

“Hey, you can’t just pick me up and put me down wherever, you know!” she said in a joking manner.

‘Apparently I can,” he said smugly.

She playfully stuck her tongue out at him, which he pointedly ignored. 

“I know how much you love this thing Listy,” he said, thumping his hand on the jukebox.  
“I know how much it reminds you of...the old days.” 

The two men shared a brief moment of nostalgia, and for the first time since being in the presence of the two of them, Sam felt locked out momentarily, almost as if she wasn’t in the room. The look in each mans eyes was a true reflection of the bond between them.

‘Best friends til the end,’ she thought, ‘No matter how many spats they have along the way.’

“Thanks for doin this Rimmer, it’s much appreciated,” said Lister who was more than a little moved by the holograms kind gesture.

He seriously wondered how long it would last though. Rimmer’s mood could be very unpredictable at times, as he had had occasion to witness over the number of years they had been friends.

The hologram finished the last bit of repair on the wiring, plugged the device in and then pressed one of the buttons.

‘Rasterbilly Skank’ began playing through the speakers, causing Lister’s smile to widen that little bit more.

“Right you two,” Rimmer said, squatting down to address the scutters,  
“Go and get those supplies I told you we needed to fix this room up! And don’t even think about stopping off at the cinema along the way!”

The scutters spun their heads round and stuck their claws up as they left the room. To Sam it almost looked as if they were attempting to give Rimmer the two fingered salute.

‘Surly not,’ she thought as she watched them go.

The hologram hadn’t noticed at any rate.

He had his finger to his lips and appeared to be deep in thought.

“Now what was I going to do?  
Ah yes! That neon sign needs replacing, and I know exactly where I can get one from!”

He marched off out into the corridor.

“Well he’s certainly got a spring in this step this mornin,” remarked Lister.

“Call it the love of a good woman!” said Sam, getting down off the table.

“Uh uh!” said Lister,  
“I’ll have you carry you out the room won’t I?”

He struggled to pick her up around the waist as Rimmer had done (the hologram was a good three or four inches taller) and so settled instead for a fireman’s carry.

“Dave this is ridiculous! I’m like four foot from the door, I think I could manage!”

“Don’t you worry Sam, it’s my pleasure.”

“I didn’t know you cared so much,” she said mockingly.

“To be perfectly honest Sam, I care more about not getting my head ripped off, which is exactly what will happen to me if you get so much as a scratch on you!”

She laughed at this, and he laughed too.  
Deep down however he was unsure.

‘I wouldn’t be surprised if Rimmer didn’t go nuclear in one way or another, if anyone allowed any harm to come to her.’

“We still need to sort out this situation with your parents,” he said, setting her down.  
“Don’t you think it would be easier if you just left him behind?”

“And how am I supposed to explain that to him Dave! He’d be really hurt!”

“I think it would be less painful for him than having to endure the shitty things your dad’s probably gonna say to him!”

“Oh Dave!” she cried out in frustration,  
“I just don’t know what’s best to do!”

“Well I’ve told you what I think Sam, he’s best off staying here.”

“Who’s best off staying here?” said a voice from behind him, causing Lister to jump out of his skin.

The scouser turned round to see his friend standing a little way behind him, holding a neon sign with a pineapple on it.

“Jesus Rimmer! Don’t creep up on people like that!” 

“I’ve come to install this sign,” he said, giving Lister a suspicious eye.

“Where the smeg did you even get that from Rimmer?”

“No ones answered MY question yet.”

Sam began, 

“Umm well...my mum’s allergic to Cats!”

“Yes,” Lister joined her on the lying bandwagon.  
“Yeah she’s like really badly allergic so we’ve decided we need to leave him behind.”

Rimmer looked between the two of them, a severe look of scrutiny upon his features.  
Eventually though he settled on Sam.

His accusatory expression was so intensive that she almost couldn’t look at his face. 

“Please don’t lie to me Sam.”

“I’m not lying!”

One raised eyebrow was now added to the accusatory expression.

She gave in.

“The thing is Arnold, my dad, well he’s not overly keen only on people like you.”

“People like me?” he asked with some animosity, and she realised she’d said the wrong thing.

“Holograms Rimmer, he doesn’t like holograms. He thinks dead people shouldn’t be resurrected,” said Lister.

Rimmer’s face instantly abandoned the look of scrutiny it had been wearing, and now took up an anguished look instead.

“Right, ok,” he was trying to speak confidently but both Sam and Lister could hear the tremble in his voice.

“I suppose I’ll have to stay here then, won’t I?”

“No Arnold I don’t want that! I really don’t want that! I’ll talk to my dad, I’ll make him see sense!”

“I don’t want to make things difficult for you Sam,” said Rimmer, looking at the floor.

“It’ll be fine,” she said, and then added,

“I don’t suppose the H comes off does it?”

He looked at her indignantly, and that was answer enough.

“We could find him a hat?” suggested Lister.

“Who wears a hat indoors Dave?”

“I do sometimes!” Lister protested.

“Well normal people don’t!”

“Hey I am normal! What about a bandana then? If you don’t like the hat idea!”

“I don’t think he could pull a bandana off, he doesn’t really have the face for it...”

Sam caught sight of her lovers nostrils flaring and realised just how much their discussion was upsetting him.

“No!” she said firmly, “He’s coming with us, just the way he is and my dad can go fuck himself if he’s got a problem with that!”

“Okay then,”said Lister, “Let’s get ourselves going!”

 

Not long after that, they were making their way across the planets sandy surface.  
Rimmer, Lister and Sam.  
The latter had failed at trying to get Lister in the shower, but he had at least put on some clean clothes and brushed his teeth.

Rimmers comment on the subject ran thus,

“If I’ve told you once Sam I’ve told you a thousand times! You’ll have more luck getting Kryten to dance the cancan than you would trying to get Lister to have a shower!”

“Smeg off Rimmer, I only had a shower last month!” Lister had replied. 

Cat had expressed a complete lack of interest in going on the trip. It wasn’t going to benefit him in any way, and so he had decided that he would rather stay on the ship and work on his grooming regime. 

Sam had very delicately tried to explain to Krtyen that, unfortunately, his very appearance would terrify the life out of her parents. 

She already knew she had to get over the hologram hurdle, she didn’t need a terrifying looking android making the situation worse.  
Kryten had seemed really hurt and that had upset Sam, to the point that she had ended up in tears.  
Rimmer had taken her in his arms and comforted her until the upset feeling had gone away. Something he turned out to be remarkably good at.

He had then gone and given Kryten a bollocking for upsetting her, and while she did feel bad for the mechanoid, she couldn’t help but swoon at the fact that her man had been so quick to jump to her defence. 

It was sweet.  
It was really sweet.

The mech approached her after his ‘talking to’ and explained that he hadn’t meant to upset her, or to make her feel guilty about not allowing him to go.  
He said that he knew he had to remember how startling he was to look at, especially to humans that had never seen an android before. He assured her that he was more than happy to stay on the ship and that he would have some afternoon tea ready for them when they returned.

“I’m gonna introduce you to them at some stage Kryten.”

The mechanoid’s face lit up instantly at this.

“You are Miss?”

“Yeah, I just have to get them used to the hologram and the worlds most unhygienic human first!”

Kryten was more than happy with this reply and he went back to his mopping with renewed vigour.

A thought crossed his mind while he was scrubbing at a particularly stubborn patch of dirt on the floor,

‘Mr Rimmer won’t be on the ship for a good two or three hours at least!’ he thought excitedly.

There would be nothing to stop him from taking a break from his chores and catching up on his favourite tv show “Androids”.  
For the most part Kryten enjoyed his chores, but there was a new series starting up and he just had to see the first episode at least!

Cat couldn’t care less about anything the other crew members got up to and so Mr Rimmer would never know that he had been slacking off. He set the mop back in its bucket and began making his way to his cupboard, rubbing his hands with glee as he went. 

As he passed by one of the many computer screens scattered across the ship, Holly’s face appeared.

“Alright Kryten? What you up to?”

Kryten grimaced.

He had forgotten all about Holly.  
Would the ships computer tell on him?  
He couldn’t be sure.

He approached the screen,

“Holly, how about we strike up a deal of some sort?”

 

The air was just as polluted as it had been the last time they had set foot on the planet, only much worse this time, as the factories in the district where Sam lived were fully operational.

“I’ve got to say Sam, your planet really doesn’t smell great,” said Lister.

“What do you mean?”

“That acrid, smokey smell.  
How are you not being affected by it?”

“I must just be used to it I guess.”

“What about you Rimmer? You must be able to smell it?”

“Believe me Lister, after years of living with you, even the most noxious of fumes seem to pale in comparison when up against your stench!”

“Cheers Rimmer,” said Lister sarcastically.

Sam giggled.

“I really don’t think all this polluted air is doin my lungs any good!” whined the scouser.

“Says the chain smoker,”

“Sod off Rimmer I’m not a chain smoker! I’ve cut back loads on my smokin thank you very much.”

Rimmer did have to concede on that point, Lister did indeed smoke a lot less than he used to.

They walked on for a bit until they saw a hologram walking towards them.

“Hi Jenny!” said Sam,  
“Long time no see!”

Jenny was tall and slender and looked to be around Sam’s age. She wore an outfit very similar in style to Rimmer’s, with the exception that it was purple instead of blue, and her purple H was in a big chunky font. She wore her blonde hair in bunches, and there was a ‘happy go lucky’ vibe about her.

“What the hell happened to your face?!” Jenny asked Sam in a concerned voice.

“She tripped over!” Lister and Rimmer said in unison, which was at least true for the bruise on her forehead.

Jenny didn’t hesitate in believing them though.

“You’ve always been accident prone haven’t you Sam!” she laughed.  
“Who are your friends?”

 

Sam introduced Lister and Rimmer.

“Oh my god!” Jenny squealed excitedly at the hologram,  
“You’re hard-light aren’t you!”

“I am,” he confirmed, smiling in wonder.  
It had been a long time since he’d seen another hologram [one that hadn’t been trying to tear him to pieces at any rate].

“Jenny and I went to school together,” said Sam.

The purple hologram was absolutely transfixed by Rimmer.  
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen one of you before... You’ve got a solid body! You can touch things! You can touch people!  
I am well jel!”

“Sorry, you’re what?”

“She means jealous Arnold, sorry Jenny he’s not particularly ‘down with the kids,’ said Sam.

 

“Wow!” said Jenny, still eyeing up Rimmer,  
“I’d shake your hand but you know...soft-light and all that!  
Is it true what they say? Can you break every single bone in the human body? In a matter of seconds?!”

The blue hologram nodded, but Sam noticed that Jenny’s line of questioning was starting to make him feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable.

It was time for a distraction.

“Dave plays guitar, don’t you Dave?”

“Oh hi,” said Jenny, seeming to only just notice the scouser.  
“Sorry I’ve ignored you! I’m so rude! My boyfriend tells me that all the time! He says ‘Jenny, one of these days you are really gonna piss someone off!  
“I really hope I haven’t pissed you off! Please say I haven’t?”

“No it’s fine,” said Lister smiling.

“So you play guitar? Are you any good?”

“It depends on what you classify as music,” said Rimmer.

Lister shoved him in the shoulder, but Jenny didn’t appear to have got the joke at any rate.  
She was gazing into the distance, her hyperactive voice temporarily replaced by a calm and peaceful one.

“I used to play the guitar, before...you know...” she looked meaningfully at them.

“How did you die?” asked Lister, “If you don’t mind me asking?  
Ow!” 

Now Rimmer was shoving Lister in the shoulder, and the younger man knew exactly why.

His best friend hated talking about his death, and so it was natural for him to assume that it was a forbidden subject for other holograms too.

But Jenny didn’t seem to mind in the slightest.

“I was run over by a double decker bus! My parents were always saying to me,  
‘Watch where you’re going Jenny! Look both ways!’  
I used to get so distracted crossing roads...  
On the plus side though it was nice and quick! I didn’t feel any pain.”

“How about you?” she questioned Rimmer, but then when she saw the look on his face added

“I’m sorry that was really rude of me! You probably don’t want to talk about it.  
My Aunt Helen’s always telling me...”

“It’s fine,” said Rimmer, interrupting her before she could go off on another tangent.

“There was a radiation leak on the spaceship Lister and I live on, it caused a massive explosion.”

“Bummer,” she said,  
“Did it hurt?”

“Only for a brief moment,” he replied.

‘It hurt him?’ thought Sam sadly. She had naturally assumed that his death would have been quick and painless, it was horrible to think that he would have suffered, even if it had only been for a moment or two.

There was an awkward silence which Jenny soon jumped in and filled,

“Where are you headed then?”

“Off to visit the ‘rents!” said Sam.

“Oh how lovely! Well I’d better be off, my Nan’s coming to visit, and she always says  
‘Jenny if you’re late...”

“Jenny we really have to go now.”

“Oh yes, of course!” Say hi to them for me! Well...hi to your mum at least, I guess it’s probably best you don’t tell your dad that you were talking to me...” Jennys comment did absolutely nothing to calm Rimner’s jangled nerves. 

“Crikey, I reckon I’m gonna need a lie down after speaking with her,” said Lister as they walked away.

“Cor Sam, have your lot got some money or what?” he asked as they approached her house.

“Hardly Dave, my dad’s a miner! This is the poor district in case you hadn’t noticed!”

“But this house is well posh!”

“Correction Lister, it only seems posh compared to the lowly digs you occupied growing up.”

Lister merely shrugged at that, he supposed that Rimmer was right.

Sam rang the doorbell, praying that it would be her mum who answered and not her dad.

Rimmer was thinking the exact same thing. He was starting to regret coming, the pressure was beginning to be too much. He wanted to impress her parents so badly, he wanted to say and do the exact things that would make them like him.  
The things that Sam had said about her father, about the opinions that he held, were in no way comforting. He wished, not for the first time, that he could tear that cursed letter from his forehead.

‘He’ll judge me before he even knows me,’ he thought sadly

Rimmer heard the sound of the door being opened and braced himself for whatever was about to come his way.


	2. Chapter 2

The man who answered the door looked to be in his late fifties to early sixties and was pretty out of shape. He was wearing a green stripy shirt, had a visible pot belly, and very little hair. He also had the most stunning blue eyes that Lister had ever seen.

‘So that’s where she gets those from,’ he thought to himself. He glanced over and noticed Rimmer’s projection flickering very slightly, and his light-bee making a much more laboured noise than it normally did.

‘He’s absolutely terrified,’ 

 

“Oh my little Sammy!” cried the man with the pot belly, the minute he laid eyes on his daughter. 

He threw his arms around her neck.  
“What the bloody hell happened?! Why have you been gone for so long?!”

He pulled back to look at her,

“And what the fuck happened to your face!?”

Lister smirked, it seemed her choice of language was another thing that she’d inherited from her father.

“Dad I...” she began, but was interrupted by her fathers angry cry.

“What the bloody hell is that thing doing here?” he said, pointing at Rimmer.

Sam screwed her eyes up in embarrassment, knowing that being referred to as a ‘thing’ would have upset her lover more than anything.

“Dad, this is Arnold.”

“I don’t care what his name is, I want him off my doorstep!”

Rimmer tried to think of something to say but found that he couldn’t, it seemed that his brain had gone into full blown coward mode.

“Dad please, will you just listen!”

“Get off my doorstep mate, I won’t tell you again,” he shouted at Rimmer, advancing on him.

In his haste to get off the step, Rimmer backed up without looking and ended up tripping over his large feet and landing in a heap on the ground, knocking over two plant pots in the process.

“Those are my wife’s favourite plants you vandal!”

“I’m sorry...” the hologram tried to say, but Sam’s father cut him off.

“Why did you bring him here Sam? You know how I feel about holograms...resurrecting dead people....it’s not right!”

“Dad for fucks sake!”

“No Sam I’m not having it! You two can come in but ‘he,’ he said pointing at Rimmer, stays out here!  
“And don’t even think about trying to ghost through the walls, cos the architecture of this building has been conditioned against ‘entities’ like you!”

He stormed into the house.

Lister looked at Sam.

“It’s ok Dave, you go in.”

Rimmer was desperately trying to stuff the soil and the flowers back in the plant pots.

“Leave it Arnold.”

“I can’t leave it Sam! Your father already hates me, I can’t have your mother hating me as well!”

“Arnold, mum won’t give a toss about the flowers, honest she won’t.  
And dad doesn’t hate you, he’s just a bit set in his ways that’s all, but I’m gonna make sure he lets you in ok? Just wait here for me.”

He nodded solemnly.

 

“Dad, what the bloody hell was that about!?” she shouted as she entered the house. Both her dad and Lister were still in the hallway.

“I told you before Sammy, I don’t trust them!”

“But you don’t even know him!”

“I know enough about his kind, thankyou very much!”

“You don’t know anything dad!”

Suddenly a short woman with a very large bust came hurtling into the hallway. Her blonde hair was tied back in a bun, and she was wearing an apron covered in hearts.

“What on Jupiter is going on out here!?” she cried, and then when she noticed Sam,

“Sammy darling...oh my god what happened to you!?”

“Mum, dad has shut...my friend,” she very nearly said boyfriend, “Out on the doorstep! He won’t let him in the house!”

“Why the hell not Derek?”

“Because he’s one of them!”

“Oh not this flaming hologram thing again! Derek you drive me round the bend sometimes. Let him in!”

“I don’t want him the house!”

“Let him in Derek!”

“I...”

DEREK! She gestured angrily at him with the wooden spoon she was holding, and when he didn’t reply, she simply said,

“Right, I’m going to let him in then!”

To Lister, it was already more than clear who wore the trousers in their household.

“Fine!” he said, “But don’t be expecting me to make conversation with him!” He stormed off to what the scouser assumed was the kitchen, judging by the chairs and tables that he could see.

“Come here my darling,” the woman in the apron pulled her daughter into a big hug,  
“What the hell have you been up to?”

“I’ll tell you mum, I’ll tell you both, but can we please let Arnold in?”

“Of course we can,” she said opening the door to find Rimmer standing on the doorstep.

“Come on in love, you’ll have to excuse Derek, he can as stubborn as a mule at times.  
Come on, come through to the kitchen.”

When they reached the kitchen they found Derek sitting in a rocking chair and smoking a cigarette. He glared at Rimmer in a way that made the hologram feel terribly uncomfortable.

“You’ve timed it just right, I’m about to take the cake out of the oven!”

Lister’s stomach rumbled at that, he thought he could smell something good.

Rimmer glanced around the room. The decor reminded him very much of the 1950s. The colour scheme appeared to be pink and blue. The plastic table cloth was a pink gingham pattern, and there was a farmhouse style range in the corner. There seemed to be a fair few pictures of owls on the walls, which really didn’t fit with the style or colour scheme of the rest of the room.

“Right, sit down you lot,” said Moira as she set the cake down on a cooling rack.

“And you young lady,” she said sitting down herself, “Are gonna tell me just what the hell has gone on this past month.”

So Sam did, she told them everything.

She began by introducing Rimmer and Lister, then she talked about the kidnapping, the abuse, meeting the rest of the crew and hanging out on the ship.  
She wasn’t brave enough to mention her and Rimmer’s relationship status at this point. Her dad was a ticking time bomb right now, and she didn’t want to give him any reason to explode.

At the end of her story, her mother had tears in her eyes.

“Oh Sammy, how could someone do that to you?”

“You know, we should probably inform the police,” said Lister.

Moira sniffed, drying her eyes with her handkerchief.

“There are no police in this district love, only the rich folk on this planet are entitled to a functioning police force.”

Jupiter was moving further and further down the scale of Lister’s favourite destinations.

“I’m just so glad you’re ok, my darling, I thank my lucky stars for that! And you Arnold, thank you for saving her, I won’t forget what you did.”

But Derek still wasn’t convinced.

“So it was a hologram that did this to you Sammy?” said her father.

She nodded.

“I’ve told you you can’t trust holograms, they’re violent and unpredictable,” he said rigidly.

“Dad, Arnold saved us from that monster!”

Derek said nothing for a moment, he seemed to be calculating Rimmer, examining his face for sincerity.  
“Are you like this thing in the factory?  
Solid-light or whatever they call it?”

“Hard-light yes.”

“So you’re not gonna start ghosting through our furniture or anything?”

“No sir I’m not.”

Lister found it quite funny that Rimmer was referring to Derek as sir. 

‘He really is desperate to make a good impression.’

The thing Lister couldn’t understand though was the fact that Derek now knew that Rimmer had saved his little girls life, but he still didn’t seem to want to trust him.  
It didn’t make any sense.

 

“So, do you have violent tendencies like this other hologram then?”

“No sir I don’t”

“Dad can you stop grilling him please!”

“I’m sorry Sammy but I can’t trust him. I think he’s got a hidden agenda.” He was studying Rimmer warily, in the same way that a person might eye up a ferocious tiger.

“Oh for Pete’s sake, eat your cake and shut up Derek!” The top-heavy woman set a slice down in front of him.

“Would anyone else like some?”

“Yes please,” said Lister enthusiastically, and began tucking into it the minute Sam’s mum had laid it in front of him.

“Yes please mum.”

“Sorry to ask an awkward question, but do you eat?” she addressed Rimmer.

“Not really no.”

“Oh well can I get you a cup of tea?”

“No, I’m fine really, thank you.”

Once the table was fully laden with tea and cake, the woman undid her apron and sat down, 

“Oh I haven’t bloody introduced myself have I?  
I’m Moira, and this is Derek, which you’ve probably gathered by now.”

There was silence for a bit as they enjoyed their tea and cake.

All except for Rimmer, who wasn’t really enjoying anything right now.  
Sam took his hand in hers under the table, in an attempt to calm and reassure him.

Lister had scoffed down his cake and was now in the process of wiping his finger across the plate and sucking the jam off it.

“Sorry about Lister,” said Rimmer, trying hard to avoid the death glare from Derek coming across the table at him.  
“I’m afraid his table manners are appalling.”

The situation became rather funny however when he turned to look at Sam and noticed that she was doing the exact same thing.

She looked at him guiltily, with her finger in her mouth, and he couldn’t help but smile at that.  
Looking back across the table, he noticed that Derek was still intent on shooting daggers at him, and that threatened feeling began to come back.

“I’ve got to say Moira, that cake was lush!” said Lister with great enthusiasm.  
“What flavour is it?”

“Just a plain old Victoria sponge, but I always add a little coconut to it, I find it gives it a zing! Would you like another piece?”

“Yes please!”

After serving Lister another slice of cake, Moira got up from the table and went to switch the radio on.

“You two don’t mind a bit of background music do you?”

Rimmer and Lister shook their heads.

The radio refused to turn on though, no matter how many times Moira thumped it.

“Damn things playing me up again!”

“I can have a look at that for you!” said Rimmer, very nearly leaping out of his seat. He eagerly welcomed any excuse to get up from the table and break Derek’s line of sight.

“Do you have a screwdriver? he asked.

“Oh yes I do somewhere,” she produced one from one of the drawers.

“Arnold is a second technician,” said Sam, her voice brimming with pride. 

She then realised that she hadn’t mentioned Lister’s position on the ship but, upon glancing over at him, she could see he wasn’t overly bothered. The scouser was completely engrossed in eating his second slice of cake, and she doubted that he was even following their conversation.

 

“That’s not exactly a particularly high status on a spaceship though is it?” said Derek, who was apparently still intent on flinging barbs in Rimmers direction.

“Arnold’s from Io, mum,” said Sam, ignoring her fathers comment.

“Oh really, which part?”

“The South,” said Rimmer, who was in the process of removing the back panel from the radio.

“Oh it’s lovely on Io! We used to go on holiday to the northern district when Sammy was little. We used to stay with Derek’s friend, Steve.

Rimmer glanced across at Sam and noticed that she had tensed up.  
He needed to change the subject, and fast.

“Lister, I mean Dave, is from Earth aren’t you?”

“Do you know,” said Moira thoughtfully, “I’ve never been to earth, is it nice there?”

“Parts of it are ok,” replied Lister.

“Oh love, I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to have you home again,” she said addressing Sam.

“Yeah about that mum...I might be going to stay with these guys for a little while.”

“How long is a little while?” said her father suspiciously.

“Well...maybe permanently.”

Moira was distraught.

“But this is your home Sam! Don’t get me wrong, your friends seem nice, and I know that Arnold saved your life and everything, but why do you want to just up and leave?”

“Because...” she looked at Rimmer for reassurance but found no comfort there, she could see that he was dreading the impending announcement just as much as she was.

“Because I want to go and explore deep space,” she said weakly.

“Why the bloody fuck would you want to go and do that?” said Derek.

“It’s actually quite an adventure,” said Lister, trying desperately hard to ease the tension in the room.

“You’re telling me that you’re expecting us to be ok with her jetting off with a bunch of strangers?” her father replied.

“You’re hiding something Sam, what is it?” enquired her mother.

Sam glanced over at Rimmer and his eyes told her what she needed to do.

“...Because I love Arnold.”

“You love him?” said Moira.

“Yes I do mum, very much so.”

“Is this a joke?!” roared Derek, spitting out his cigarette in the process.

“No it’s not dad...we love other.”

She glanced over at Rimmer, and this time he was smiling at her.

The hologram felt as if he should say something.

“I love your daughter sir, and she’s going to come and live with me...”

“Like hell she is!” 

Derek crossed over to Rimmer at a speed that truly defied his corpulent frame, and landed a solid left hook in the hologram’s cheek. Rimmer staggered back against the counter to steady himself, moaning as his cheek began to throb agonisingly. 

“Dad what the fuck are you doing?”

“Derek, I have had just about enough of this!”

But Derek ignored Sam and Moira completely. Instead he closed the gap between himself and Rimmer, until he was right up in the hologram’s face.

Grasping the mans collar he said,  
“I’ve got your number mate, that’s what all that hero business was about wasn’t it? Manipulating my daughter? Just so you could get your end away?”

“No! It’s not like that!” cried Rimmer.

“Derek, you stop this this instant!”

“Dad please!” Sam was almost in tears.

All Lister could do was watch, he was in complete shock at what was taking place in front of him.

‘Come on Rimmer, defend yourself at least,’ he thought. 

“Wanna pork my daughter do you? There’s a name for people like you! Dirty old men! My daughter’s just a bit of skirt to you isn’t she?!”

He raised his fist, in preparation to hit the hologram again, but Rimmer had had enough.  
He’d had enough of being glared at, had had enough of being made to feel inferior, and worst of all, had had enough of being accused of abusing Sam.

Something inside him snapped.

And so Derek Simpson never got a chance to throw a second punch, as he found himself suddenly pinned against the fridge by his shoulders. He thrashed about in frustration, growing angrier still when he realised that he couldn’t break free.

“Oh my fucking god!” cried Sam

“Way to go Rimmer,’ thought Lister, “You’ve found your balls at last.”

Moira said nothing, only stood with her hand over her mouth.

Derek wasn’t used to being overpowered, and he didn’t like it one bit.

“And there you were telling me that you ain’t the violent type,” he spat at Rimmer.

“I’m not going to hit you,” said Rimmer calmly but sternly.  
“But you need understand something. I love your daughter more than anything, there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her, and whether you like it or not, she loves me too. Are you really going to deny your daughter the happiness that she deserves?”

 

“I’m sorry,” said Derek,  
“But I can’t allow this.”

“Dad you can’t make decisions for me!”

“I can and I will! Who’s to say he’s not gonna turn out to be another Daniel?”

“He is nothing like Daniel!”

“Look at how aggressive he’s being with me?!”

“You hit him in the face Derek!” shouted Moira,  
“The poor man’s allowed to defend himself at the very least!”

“Get off me!” he sneered at Rimmer.

“Only if I have your word that you’re not going to hit me again.” The hologram’s pain threshold was still a bit screwy, and right now his agony meter was full to the brim. He doubted that his system would tolerate another smack in the face.

“Fine!”

“Please let him go Arnold,” said Moira tapping him gently on the shoulder.

Once he was released from Rimmer’s grasp, Derek walked straight out of the kitchen. On his way out he said,  
“I can’t allow this Sammy, I’m sorry but I can’t.”

“Oh Arnold I’m so sorry,” cried Sam, running over to him and wrapping her arms around his middle.

“It’s ok,” he said, relieved that some of his pain was beginning to ease.

“It’s not ok Arnold, all I can do is apologise for my husband. It’s just, he’s very protective over Sam.”

Rimmer understood that completely, the realisation suddenly came to him that he would probably have done exactly the same thing, had he believed that someone was trying to take advantage of the beautiful woman in his arms.

“Let me have a look at your face love,” said Moira.  
“I can’t see a bruise forming,” she said, gently turning his head into the light.

“He doesn’t bruise mum, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt!”

“You dad’ll come round Sam,” she said.  
“I’ll talk to him, he’ll come round.”

“What’s your opinion on all this mum?”

“Well,” she said,  
I’m not overly happy that you want to move out, but you,” she said addressing Rimmer,  
“Saved my little girls life, and that makes you a good egg in my books. I can tell you’d never hurt her,” she said smiling.  
Right, I’m going to go and sort my husband out.”

Rimmer watched her leave and then, noticing that Sam was trembling in his arms, shot Lister a blatant ‘Leave us alone’ look.

The scouser set aside his fourth slice of cake and got up from the table.

“Right erm....well I’m gonna...go and use the toilet I suppose.”

Sam’s trembling soon turned into complete hysteria.

“He hates you!” she cried,  
“He hates you and he barely even knows you! I should have known it would turn out this way, I should have known. And now he’s hurt you!”

“It really doesn’t hurt that much,” he lied, not wanting to make the current situation any worse for her.

She began to hyperventilate, and so he sat down and beckoned for her to come and sit on his lap.

She clung to him, almost as if she would drown if she were to let go.

He held on to her tightly and stroked her hair, something which he’d lately discovered worked well in calming her down.

“Why...can’t he...just be...happy for...me?” she gasped in between sobs.

“Sshh,” he said  
“It’s ok.”

And they sat that way for a good ten to fifteen minutes, him alternating between stroking her hair and rubbing her back

Little by little she began to calm down, until her great whooping sobs were mild sniffles.

Neither of them were aware of Derek watching them from the doorway.

“Sammy,” he said, causing the two of them to jump.  
“Give us a minute please.”

“Will you be ok?” she said to Rimmer.

“I’ll be fine,” he said kissing her forehead.

He wasn’t entirely sure that he would be fine though. He had no assurance that her father wouldn’t try and attack him again, but he didn’t want to worry her.

Derek watched her leave and then said,

“You seem to have a way with her,” 

Rimmer said nothing, he was trying to work out if the mans comment was sincere or not. There didn’t seem to be anything aggressive about his behaviour now though.

“It used to take me and Moira at least three quarters of an hour to calm her down when she was at her worst,” said Derek sitting down.

Rimmer frowned,

“Does she often get panic attacks?”

“Off and on...they seem to have been much worse this past year though. She’s been having a lot of night terrors recently as well”.

It was on the tip of the hologram’s tongue to mention the rape, but he caught himself just in time.

“I wonder why that is,” he said instead.

“Beats me,” replied the other man, exhaling long and loud.

“Look mate, I think we got off on the wrong foot. I’m sorry for the things I said about you, and for treating you like you were a dog turd. My father was really against holograms and that rubbed off on me I suppose. I don’t know, maybe there’s a bit of a fear factor there as well. I know that’s no excuse...

And I’m sorry for lamping you too. It’s just, I’m really overprotective of my little girl...ever since that Daniel. Did she tell you about him?”

Rimmer nodded.

“He treated her like dirt... and I suppose I’m just scared that she’ll get hurt again. In all honesty mate, you’re not the kind of guy I would have pictured my daughter with. I thought Daniel was perfect for her when I first met him though, so I suppose I should stop judging books by their covers.”

He held out his hand,

“Can you forgive me for behaving like a prize pillock?”

The hologram shook Derek’s hand, smiling as he did so.

“What’s going on in here?”  
Moira asked

Her, Lister and Sam had appeared in the doorway.

“It’s alright,” said Derek, “Everything’s all right now.”

“Oh dad, thank you,” said Sam, hugging him.

“Right,” he said, a few tears forming in his eyes.  
“Let’s get you all packed shall we.”

 

 

 

“How much stuff do you need Sam?” asked Lister, hefting the last suitcase down the stairs.

“Dave, this is only half of what I wanted to take!”

“You’re worse than the smeggin cat!”

“You’ll take care of my Sammy won’t you?” said Moira, wiping her eyes with her handkerchief.

“I will,” Rimmer said assuredly.

“We all will,” added Lister.

“You’ll come and visit won’t you!”

“Of course I will mum!” Sam said, hugging her.

As they were turning to leave, Derek said to Rimmer with great seriousness,

“Make sure you look after my little girl, Arnold. She’s as precious as they come.”

“I know she is,” replied the hologram.

 

Rimmer was adamant that Sam wasn’t going to carry any of the cases on the way back to the ship and so he split them between Lister and himself.

“Smeg these are heavy Rimmer!”

“Stop whining Lister!”

“Why can’t you take them all Mr hard-light?”

“Because I only have one pair of hands!”

Lister muttered under his breath,

“I’m sure I’ve been lumbered with the heaviest ones.”

They must have been about halfway through their journey when Rimmer noticed that Sam was unusually quiet.

“What’s the matter?” he said instantly, setting the cases down and pulling her to his chest.

“I’m fine, I just...I’m gonna miss them I guess.”

“Are you still sure you wanna do this?” asked Lister.

“More than anything, it’s just a big change you know?”

“I know,” said Rimmer, stroking her hair.

“Come on guys!” said Lister, in an attempt to cheer her up.

“Kryten’s promised us afternoon tea when we get back, and my belly’s more than ready for another slice of cake!”

Sam laughed.

“So who makes better cake? Kryten or my mum?”

“Your mum for sure, but dont tell him that!”

“Hmmm,” said Rimmer, “I might store up that little piece of knowledge for the next time he annoys me.”

Sam smacked him playfully in the chest.

“How’s your face now?” she asked.

“A lot better than it was,” he replied, and she was happy to hear that.

As they set off again, Sam found that she actually couldn’t wait to start her life with her new family.


	3. Chapter 3

Kryten was on the edge of his seat, this series of “Androids” was a thousand times more gripping than the previous ones had been. They were just about to get to the cliffhanger when...

“Krryyyttteeeeeeennnnnnn!” 

That roar could only belong to one man. 

Panic hit him instantly, he must have gotten so engrossed in the programme that he had completely lost track of the time.

He bundled out of his cupboard as quickly as his bulky frame would allow, and pressed a button on the nearest screen, summoning Holly into view.

“Where is he Holly?”

“Corridor fourteen.”

‘Corridor fourteen,’ thought Kryten,  
“That’s where I left the mop and bucket!’

The mechanoid set off at a speed that Holly wouldn’t have believed him capable of.

Upon reaching the corridor, he was dismayed to discover that, somehow, the mop bucket had been knocked over and the dirty water spilt all over the floor.

Rimmer was stood with his arms folded.

“What is the meaning of this Kryten,” he said gesturing at the over turned bucket,  
“I asked you to mop this corridor! Does this look clean to you?”

“No sir, it doesn’t” said Kryten timidly.  
“But in my defence sir, the bucket was fine when I left to go...”

“When you left to go where, Kryten?” Rimmer asked him, eyebrows raised.

“When I left to...when I left to...ummm.”

“There was a strange noise down in the cargo bay,” said Holly, whose face had appeared on a nearly screen.

“I asked Kryten to check it out.”

“And that took you,” the hologram checked his watch, “two and a half hours did it Kryten?”

“Well, I had to be sure nothing was down there sir! I didn’t want to compromise the safety of the crew!”

“Well you’ve done just that Kryten! Do you know how dangerous it is leaving this mess on the floor? What if Sam had slipped on it? She could have really hurt herself!”

“I’ll sort it out right away sir!”

“Make sure you mop the entirety of this corridor, like you were supposed to do earlier! And make it snappy! The others are waiting in the bunk room for their afternoon tea!”

‘Afternoon tea!’ Krtyen’s electronic mind screamed at him,  
‘I forgot all about that!’

“That is unless there are any other strange noises that you feel you need to go and ‘investigate,’” he sneered before walking away. 

“You know you really shouldn’t let him talk to you like that.”

“I know Holly, but sometimes he just has this look in his eyes, and he is technically my superior.”

“Our deal still stands though right?”

“Yes Holly, I’ll sneak some of Mr Lister’s X rated video discs out from under his mattress,” said the mech,  
“What I don’t understand though, is how the bucket got knocked over in the first place?”

“It was the scutters,” said Holly,  
“They were playing Cowboys and Indians. 

“I might have known,” Krtyen grumbled to himself, heading off down the corridor to get some fresh water.

 

“What are you doing in here?” questioned Rimmer when he found Sam in the kitchen, filling up the kettle. She was wearing Krtyen’s apron, which she’d had to tie round herself several times to get it to fit.

Bob was up on the counter preparing the teacups, with surprising delicacy.

“Why? Am I not allowed in here?” she replied mischievously.

“I’m just surprised you managed to find it,” he said, approaching her from behind and putting his arms around her waist.  
“Considering that I haven’t yet drawn you up a map!”

“Sod off you! I’m pretty much an expect at this deck now!”

“Do you have any idea how adorable you look in that apron?” he said, squeezing her a little more tightly.

“Arnold get off me! I’m trying to make afternoon tea!”

“You know you don’t have to do this Sam? It’s Kryten’s job!” he said, watching her getting some scones out the cupboard, along with some jam and cream from the fridge.

“Well I think Kryten deserves a break,” she said simply.

“Krtyen enjoys a life of servitude Sam, it’s what he was designed for! Besides, he’s been slacking off this afternoon, he should be being reprimanded not rewarded.

“Come on Arnold, everyone deserves some time off every now and then!”

“He doesn’t need time off Sam!” protested Rimmer.

“I’m trying to be nice,” she said,  
“Besides I still feel a little bad that he couldn’t come with us today.”

“I don’t think you’re doing him any good, spoiling him like this.”

“Well thats your opinion! Now go and sit down with the others.”

“Are you ordering me about?” he asked, in a mocking tone.

“Yes I suppose I am.”

“You do realise that I’m the one who gives the orders round here?” he said, snaking his arms around her waist again.

“Well maybe that’s about to change?” she said, turning her head back to smirk at him.

“Are you sure about that?”

“Mhm,” she nodded.

“So you’re the one whose in charge now are you? I’m not overly sure that I’m happy about this.”

“What are you going to do about it?” she asked tauntingly, thoroughly enjoying asserting her dominance over him, until...

The tickling started.

“Oh fuck! No!” she cried,  
“Don’t tickle me!” 

The onslaught was a brutal one, and she twitched and writhed in his grasp until tears were forming in her eyes and she could barely breathe.

“Mercy!” she cried out.

“Mercy?”

“Yes.”

He stopped.

“So, are there any more thoughts about taking charge?”

“Not for the time being no” she panted.

As he walked away however, she said under her breath,

“Dick.”

“What was that?” he said.

“Nothing!” she replied, sweet and innocent.

He raised an eyebrow at her, but thankfully didn’t decide to commence round two of the tickling attack.

Watching him leave, she suddenly became painfully aware of the fact that his ministrations had caused a stirring sensation down below.

‘Is it normal to get turned on from being tickled?’

She was pleased however that it had had that effect on her. She didn’t think it would have been possible to feel anything sexual that didn’t cause bile to form at the back of her throat. So this was progress.  
Of course it would be a fair old time before she would even be able to consider sex, and this caused a worrying thought to come bubbling up to the surface of her mind.

‘What if he gets fed up and frustrated with me?’

She couldn’t bear to give that prospect more than a moments consideration, and so she threw all her attention into preparing the tea, pushing that rogue thought right to the back of her mind.

 

It was about an hour later when Krtyen finally turned up in the bunk room,

“Oh Sirs and Miss, I am so sorry for my tardiness, I just had to take care of...”

He stopped short when he noticed the tea and scones laid out on the table.

“But how...?” he began.

“Sam did it,” said Rimmer curtly.

“But why, Miss Samantha?”

“Because you were taking far too long with the mopping and they were dying of starvation!” said Rimmer glaring at him.

Sam rolled her eyes at the hologram.

“I just felt like you needed a break Kryten.  
Come sit down, I’ve poured you some oil.”

“Oh, why thank you very much Miss Samantha.”

 

“I found the scones in the cupboard,” she said,  
“I hope they’re still within their sell by date.”

“They taste fine to me,” said Lister with his mouth full.

“Would you like some scones with your cream, Cat?”

“No baby I’m good,” he said, licking the cream right out of the pot.

“I’ve just remembered something,” said Rimmer suddenly.  
“I never fixed your mothers radio.”

“I wouldn’t worry Arnold, that thing was so old I doubt that it was even worth repairing. Not that you’re not great at repairing stuff.”

“Yeah Rimmer’s great with vending machines and your basic household appliance, but I wouldn’t trust him with anything more taxing than a toaster!” joked Lister.

“Says the man who can barely unclog a soup nozzle.”

“That’s cos vending machines were below me man, I was aimin me sights much higher”

“Lister, you never paid attention to anything I tried to teach you!”

“That’s cos you’ve got the most borin voice Rimmer, anyone would go crazy listening to that all day!”

“Don’t blame your incompetence on my voice!”

“I think he’s got quite a sexy voice actually,” said Sam.

“First of all, urghh!” said Lister,  
“And second of all, I don’t reckon you’d feel the same way if you had it bangin on at you twenty four seven!”

“Hey baby,” said Cat putting down his cream pot,  
“You find my voice sexy too though right??”  
He had shuffled his way right up to her.

“Ummm,”  
She wasn’t remotely attracted to the feline, but seeing the desperation on his face, she couldn’t bring herself to hurt his feelings.

“Sure I do!...In a completely different way!”

“In a completely different way!? That’s good ain’t it?!” He turned to Lister,  
“That’s good right bud?!”

“Yeah Cat it’s good,” said Lister who didn’t really have the energy or the patience to disagree.

“You better watch your ass helicopter-landing pad head! Cos I am IN there!”

The hologram was slowly shaking his head from side to side,  
“Wow, I’ve never felt more threatened in my entire life,” he said sarcastically.

“You mean death.”

“Yes, thank you Lister!”

“Owwww!” said Cat gliding out of his seat,  
“I’m gonna slip into something even more perfect than what I’m already wearing! If you can believe that’s possible!” He strode out of the room.

“You know you’ve created a bit of a situation there don’t you?” Rimmer said to Sam.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s highly likely that you’re going to wake up in the night to find him humping your leg!”

“Don’t be stupid Arnold, cats don’t do that!”

“This one does!” said Rimmer and Lister in unison.

“Surely not!” she cried,  
“Back me up here Kryten?!’

But Krtyen wasn’t really in any condition to back anyone up. His face wore a blank expression and his eyes seemed distant. His mouth was open slightly and, had he been human, Sam was sure he would have been drooling.

“Oh my god Kryten are you ok?!” she said going over to check on him.  
“Oh my god, I’ve killed him haven’t I!”

“He’s not dead Sam, he’s drunk!” assured Rimmer.

“Crikey Sam what concentration was that oil you gave him?”

“I don’t know Dave! I found it in one of the cupboards when I was looking for the doilies!”

“He’s only had one smeggin goblet of the stuff! How can he possibly be comatose?!”

“Come on Lister! You know how much of a lightweight he is!”

Rimmer was definitely right on that front, the mech had never really been able to handle his oil.

“Right Rimmer, let’s get him to his cupboard!”  
The two men manhandled the android out of his seat, Rimmer taking him under the arms while Lister grabbed his feet, leaving Sam wringing her hands in worry.

She got a big surprise when Rimmer returned, carrying Lister in his arms.  
It appeared that her love interest had swapped one casualty for another.

“What the bloody hell’s happened now?” She cried.

“I’ve put me back out!” whined Lister.  
“I swear Kryten’s put on weight since that time we used him as a ram rod!”

Rimmer set him down on the bottom bunk.

“Oh deary me Listy,” he said, shaking his head from side to side.

“Do you not think it’s possible that perhaps you’re not as fit as you used to be?”

“Oi I’m fit as a fiddle I am!” he said, before engaging in a coughing fit and wincing when that hurt his back.

“Owww.”

Rimmer looked at Sam with raised eyebrows.

“Evidently,” he said.

“Would you like me to get you a heat patch?” she asked Lister.

“Would ya?”

“Don’t pander to him Sam, he’ll only milk it!”

“Rimmer, if you had any concept of the amount of pain I’m in right now! You wouldn’t be standing there making stupid smeggin comments!”

A thought suddenly occurred to him,  
“I could be laid up for weeks!”

“How will you cope with that Listy? Being forced into lolling about the place all day, playing video games! You’ll go round the twist!”

Lister gave Rimmer a sour face.

Sam had fetched the heat patch from the first aid kit. She gave it to Lister, who eagerly pressed it against his back.

“Aaaaahhh,” he sighed in contentment.

“Well that’s the dinner plans completely messed up at any rate!” said Rimmer irritably.

“How do you mean?” said Sam.  
.  
“Well Kryten’s out for the count! Lister is more or less useless right now, and I can’t cook for toffee!”

“Yeah, “ said Lister, who was feeling a bit brighter thanks to the pleasant heat on his back.  
“Rimmer can burn water, very successfully in fact!”

“He makes a very good hot chocolate though Dave!”

“Hey, how come you’ve never made me hot chocolate?” the scouser asked Rimmer.

“Because I’m not in a relationship with you Lister!”

“You don’t have to be in a relationship with someone to make them a hot chocolate! All those evenins we’ve spent playing cards or whatever, and you’ve never once offered me a hot chocolate! Sam’s been on the ship five minutes and she’s had one!”

“She’s also had several kisses from me as well, but I’m not planning on bestowing any of those upon you any time soon either!”

“I’m just sayin that I’d quite like a nice hot drink every now and then!”

“Well go down to the end of the corridor and get one from the vending machine! I’m sure even you could manage to walk that far!”

“Not right now I couldn’t!”

“Shall I go and get you one Dave?”

“Nah you’re alright Sam, they just taste like water anyway! I want a proper home-made hot chocolate!” 

“I’m not your skivvy Lister!”

“Will you two stop bickering for five seconds!” cried an exasperated Sam.  
They both turned to look at her.

“I’m going to make dinner,” she said.

“You?” said Rimmer unbelievingly.

“Yes me! And don’t give me a look like I don’t know what I’m doing!”

“I just didn’t know that you could cook!” 

He had thought that he knew everything about her, well all the basic stuff at any rate.

“My mum taught me. So, how about a curry night?”

“Sounds good to me!” said Lister.

“Right, I’m going to get my ingredients sorted out, can you show me where everything is please Arnold?”

Just before Rimmer left the bunk room to follow her out, Lister put his hands behind his head and said,

“You’re girlfriend’s gonna fit in here just fine!” 

 

 

In their bedroom later that night, Rimmer found Sam sitting at the window. She was watching her home slowly disappearing into the distance. Bob was on the floor next to her and she was absent-mindedly patting his head.

Glancing around the room he noticed that she’d been busy settling herself in. The theme of the room was now predominantly pink and purple. He spotted lava lamps, glitter lamps, throw pillows, and a surprising abundance of cuddly toys, many of which were sat on the bed in amongst some purple fluffy cushions. 

She turned round and saw him looking down at the pink fluffy rug on the floor.

“Oh my god you hate it don’t you? I’ve made it too girly haven’t I? It’s just, this is what my room looked like at home and I...I suppose I just wanted...”

“It’s fine,” he smiled reassuringly at her. “I’m really not bothered, and it’s important that you feel comfortable here.  
Just one small suggestion?”

Her face fell,

“What is it?”

“Perhaps the cuddly toys could only occupy the bed during the day? I’m not enamoured with the idea of having to share you, with teddybears or otherwise.”

She smiled and nodded.

“What’s that smell?” he suddenly asked, his nose wrinkling in a manner that she found totally endearing.

“It’s my oil burner,” she said  
“I think it’s black cherry or something, but I can change it if you don’t like it!”

“No it’s nice,” he said, “If I’m honest, anything beats the smell of Lister’s fetid socks and stale curry sweat!”

“Gross.”

“It is indeed.”

“How’s Kryten?” she asked.

“He’ll be fine, we’ve reset him, he’ll be right as rain in the morning.”

“And Lister?”

“Slobbing about playing video games.”

“No change there then,” she said, smiling.

“What about the cat?” she asked a little nervously.

“Fast asleep on Lister’s top bunk, I think you’ll be perfectly safe tonight, and by tomorrow he’ll have forgotten all about the conversation.”

She paused before turning back round to look out the window.

“Well, I guess I’m in deep space now.”

“Not quite,” he said,  
“Not at the rate this ship moves.  
Are you still feeling ok about everything?”

“Yeah,” she said turning to face him again.  
“Yeah I am, apart from feeling like I’m about to explode! I really shouldn’t have had that second helping of curry.” 

She moved over to the vanity table, that Rimmer had fetched from one of the women’s quarters earlier in the day for her, and began to brush her hair.

“Do you think the others liked it?”

“Well,” he said, resting his hands on her shoulders and switching to his dressing gown [the clothing transitions still freaked her out a little bit but she didn’t want him to know that].

“Lister would eat curry out of a waste disposal unit so that’s not really a compliment either way. The Cat enjoying a curry though? That’s something I’ve never seen before! So I think it’s safe to say that you did pretty well.”

She studied his face in the mirror for a long while, and found a surprising urge come upon her. 

“Can I touch your H?”

He didn’t say anything to begin with, and she was worried that it had been a rude question to ask, but then he responded,

“Well yes I suppose so, if you want to,” he said, “But get rid of that ‘thing’ first,  
“I don’t want it watching us.”

She sighed and ushered Bob out the door.

He sat down on the edge of the bed in order to give her better access to his forehead.

She tentatively leant forward and brushed the letter with her fingertips. She had expected it to feel cold, as it looked metallic, but in reality it was warm, really warm...almost hot.

She noticed that he had closed his eyes, and a gentle smile was playing upon his lips.

“Can you feel that?” she asked.

“It feels nice,” he said,  
“It’s the most sensitive part of my body.”

He gave a little frown but still kept his eyes closed.

“Well, one of the most sensitive parts.”

She struggled to stifle a giggle and was thankful he had his eyes closed. Not that that made the slightest bit of difference as he had heard her anyway. 

“You know it’s not nice to laugh at people.”  
He spoke in his gentle tone, the one that told her there was no malice behind the comment.

“Sorry,” she said, mischievously.

She took her time, lightly tracing her fingers up and down the letter, enjoying the effect it was having on him. Something about what she was doing to him felt so intimate, almost erotic.  
It was the first time that she had seen him so relaxed. His beautifully expressive face at a complete neutral. 

‘Note to self, the H is a hot spot.’

After a bit, he opened his eyes and said,

“Would you like to touch my light-bee?”

“Yeah I would like that,”

The thought of this seemed even more erotic than touching his H.

But she supposed that his light-bee was pretty intimate, to him any way. She doubted that many people had been invited to touch it.

“But I thought hard-light bodies were impenetrable?”

“They are, unless I grant permission. Give me your hand.”

For some reason she was hesitant.

“It’s ok,” he said taking it,  
“It won’t hurt, I promise.”

He brought her hand to his chest and she let out a little squeak as their hands passed through his body. Initially there was a very strange tingling sensation, almost like static, it only lasted for a moment though. As he guided her hand closer to his mechanical heart, she gradually became aware of an intense heat, almost like that which you would get from an open fire.  
And then she was there, closing her hand around the device that she had now well and truly developed a soft spot for.  
It was exceedingly warm, to the point of almost being uncomfortable.

“Don’t hold it for too long, you’ll burn yourself,” he warned.

“Can you feel that?” she asked.

“No, my light-bee isn’t touch sensitive.”

She held it for a little longer, fascinated by the soft vibrations that were passing through it into her hand.

“That’s enough,” he said, gently guiding her hand back out of his body.

Her hand was tingling from the experience, and she could feel the residual energy travelling up her arm, setting off all her nerve endings along the way.

“Wow,” was all she could say.  
“Is it me, or does it feel like we’ve just done...something sexual?”

“I suppose it does,” he said, gently pulling her face closer to his and kissing her.

His kissing technique blew her mind, as it always did. The perfect combination of lips and tongue setting off fireworks in her mind. A moan escaped her and he responded to this by pulling her down on top of him on the bed, landing them both in a sea of stuffed penguins, his long fingers gently caressing her scalp as he intensified the kiss. It felt nice, but she was beginning to worry that he wouldn’t stop at the kissing. She knew he would never try anything without her full consent, she trusted him more than anything on that front...but she had just commented on the ‘H/light-bee’ thing as being something sexual. What if he had taken that as a green light?

But she had nothing to fear, he ended the kiss and simply lay there smiling up at her.

“You alright?”

“Yeah,” she said, a little out of breath. She could swear that sometimes he forgot other people needed to take in oxygen.

‘Or maybe he just likes leaving you breathless Sam?’

That thought sent a spike of pleasure through her sexual parts.

‘Haven’t felt that in a while,’ she thought.

She studied his face once more, and was drawn to the gnarled patch of skin on his jaw.  
“How did you get this?” she asked, running a gentle finger across it.

She saw him pause for a second, almost as if he couldn’t think of what to say.

“It happened along time ago,” he said eventually.

“What happened?”

But he appeared to ignore her question.

“Come on, it’s time for bed,” he said, rolling her over, then getting up to remove the cuddly toys.

“Arnold, what happened to your face?” she probed.

“I dont remember,” he said feebly, not meeting her gaze.

“How can you not remember?” she asked jokingly. 

“I just don’t Sam, alright?” he snapped.  
It was the angriest he’d ever been with her, and in that split second she suddenly felt unbearably homesick, to the point that she was considering asking Holly to turn round and take her back home.

He instantly chastised himself for losing his temper.

“Im sorry,” he said, stroking her hair,  
“I didn’t mean to shout...it’s just...it’s getting late and you need your sleep.”

She regarded his face and saw that the emotional shutters were well and truly down.

‘It’s obviously another childhood thing’ she thought.

 

As they snuggled up together Rimmer thought,

‘You’ll have to tell her at some point, you can’t keep bottling it up, she loves you...she just wants to help.”

The problem was, Rimmer could barely even think about the trauma of his childhood, let alone speak of it.

‘And then there’s the subject of the accident, you haven’t told her about that yet either?  
I will,’ he told himself,  
‘I...just haven’t found the right time yet.’

This was a pathetic excuse, even to him.

“You know,” she said, breaking into his thoughts,

“You really terrified my dad when you had him against the fridge like that!”

“Well your dad terrified me! That’s a pretty powerful left hook he’s got there,” he said rubbing at his cheek, pleased to note that all the pain had gone now.

“Yeah good old dad, actions before thoughts,” she yawned.

“Can you do me a favour Sam?”

“Mhm”

“Don’t let any of the others see this room, I’m already the main subject of ridicule on this ship.”

This caused her to laugh out loud, and it wasn’t long before he joined in with her.

His laugh had a deep, rich tone to it that she found pretty damn sexy.

“Don’t worry I won’t,” she giggled.

They lay there in silence together for a while, and when she started snoring he debated getting up and engaging in one of his many nocturnal pastimes, but she apparently had other ideas.

Upon removing his arms from around her middle, she turned over and burrowed into his chest, wrapping her arms around his waist, rendering him completely unable to move without disturbing her.

Well that was that then.

He resolved that he would probably end up spending the majority of the night with her, and hoped his charge would last that long. He had done a quick top up earlier when she had been preparing dinner and so he thought he would probably be ok.

He really didn’t like what her father had said about the night terrors and the last thing he wanted was for her to wake up scared and him not be there.  
So perhaps staying with her would be for the best anyway.

Trying to move as little as possible, he reached his free arm down under the bed until he found one of his “hobby” magazines.  
He had moved his entire collection into their bedroom earlier that day.

He gave Sam one final goodnight kiss on the forehead, and then settled down to read about the history of Morris dancing.

 

Fin


End file.
